


More Than A Baker's Dozen

by Rubynye



Category: Star Trek XI
Genre: Additional Warnings Apply, Argo, Multi, Nonmonogamous Relationship, Nonmonogamy, Orgy, Threesome, Threesome - F/M/M, Threesome Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-01-10
Updated: 2010-01-10
Packaged: 2017-10-06 02:54:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/48908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rubynye/pseuds/Rubynye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><a href="http://community.livejournal.com/st_xi_kink/8627.html?thread=24469427#t24469427">Tell me the story of the 13 people [Kirk] slept with on the Enterprise... and how the 13th was the one that stuck. The 13th is Bones.</a> I didn't quite write this as that linear of a progression.</p>
            </blockquote>





	More Than A Baker's Dozen

**Author's Note:**

> A couple of these reference my story "Save the Last Dance", but you don't have to have read that to read this.

1\. The night before the crew's due to arrive, Jim drags and cajoles Bones up onto the empty Bridge. In six hours the shifts will start their regular rotations and the Bridge will hopefully never be empty again, but right now there's nothing there but them, the Captain's chair, and the viewscreen filled with a luminous blue sliver of Earth. Jim pushes Bones into his (his!) chair, kisses the protests off that full-lipped mouth, and blows him, stroking himself to the repeated moans of "Oh, my God" and "Goddammit" and "Jim". Bones comes before Jim does, because he's having too much fun to really focus on jerking off, but the full-on sensory blast of Bones, his musk and groans and shudders, it all gets him there soon enough.

Just as Jim starts to come Bones grabs his shoulders and kisses him through the pulses, then leans their foreheads together and mutters an apology for not finishing him off. Jim just lets his head loll against Bones's thigh as he laughs and says, "Hey, it's okay, now we've christened the ship."

2\. Ilthit is everything a planetside hookup should be and nothing it shouldn't. She's pretty and adventurous, with the loveliest purple blush in her pale blue cheeks; she tells Jim valuable tidbits about her planet, boldly invites him to stay the night and shows him a good time in bed, and when he's ready to go she kisses him goodbye and strokes his cheeks with her six-fingered hands, smiling as he dematerializes. He makes sure to commend her hospitality to the Minister of Culture, since she's one of the cultural aides, in completely professional, non-salacious terms.

The Minister smirks at him anyway.

3\. Jim's not surprised when Spock tells him [Kelinda](http://www.allyourtrekarebelongto.us/kelinda.htm) and the other Kelvans aren't really humanoid; there's something bonelessly smooth about her movements, something opaque behind her eyes. She's settled into her human form long enough to like kissing, though, and her people have already killed one of his, so he turns on the charm and watches her smile widen to match. She smells like a girl, moans like a girl, goes pliant like a girl, and most importantly gets stubborn just like a girl, fucking with Rojan's head so thoroughly it's easy for Jim to finish the job.

So they get the _Enterprise_ back and find the Kelvans a home, and Jim has Kelinda's lasting gratitude for teaching her what kisses and orgasms are. He does hate having lost Yeoman Thompson, but what he secretly regrets is not seeing what Kelinda could've done in her true form, with all those tentacles.

4-5. Chekov &amp; Sulu are young, serious, professional and so adorably in love that as much as Jim was attracted to each of them individually, the moment he saw them together he knew he _had_ to get himself into the middle of that. And then, they came to _him_ to celebrate Chekov's eighteenth birthday. Some days, it was really damn good to be the Captain. Some nights, even better.

6\. Jim's memories of being possessed by Sargon end up being a little fuzzy. It might be because during the incident he dies, again. It might be because even his mind can only take so much of being fucked around with before coping mechanisms engage.

He does remember [Doctor Ann Mulhall](http://www.allyourtrekarebelongto.us/annmulhall.htm), though, the woman taken over by Sargon's consort Thalassa, the taste of her skin and the soft edges of her voice. He liked her professionally before, and she is gorgeous, and when he goes to check on her after the incident her response to his concern is to take his hand as she asks if he's different in bed when he's not hosting a long-dead entity.

He _really_ likes her for that.

For the record, while it helps to know already where she likes being bitten, they're both a lot more fun as themselves.

7\. Jim's always known in an abstract kind of way that he'll eventually hear about the death of someone he's had sex with. After the Battle of Vulcan, he couldn't even complete a list. But it's still a visceral shock to walk into the [Memory Alpha](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Lights_of_Zetar) base and find Abra de Jolicoeur dead on the floor beside his colleagues. During their last visit, just eight months ago, Abra gawked at the _Enterprise_ in silent wonder, smiled at Jim with a heated kind of shyness, and true to his quiet nature turned out to be awesomely bossy in bed.

Now Abra's dead, killed by things that can't be touched let alone hit, and Jim can't even properly say goodbye because he's too busy trying to defend the base, his ship, and Lieutenant Romaine from these Zetarians. He does his job, and Bones doesn't push when he gets stinking drunk afterwards, but it all throws him off his game for awhile.

8-9. Jim's never sure afterwards what he says that evening over a bottle of aguardiente to make Uhura snap, "fine, let's do this," grab his wrist, and haul him back to her quarters. Not knowing annoys him, because whatever those words are, with such an effect they could probably also end wars and cure diseases. Still, if he only gets to use them once, winding up naked on the floor with Uhura riding him is also pretty damn worthwhile.

And then Spock shows up, smearing the line between terror and desire right out of existence as Jim lies there quivering (not shaking, he's quivering, people in the middle of fucking are allowed to quiver) with his hands on Uhura's sleek hips, watching his First Officer glare at him with the hot deadly eyes he once stared into while being strangled.

Spock doesn't strangle Jim this time. He takes off his clothes and joins them. Jim still has no idea how that happens, either, but he is completely not complaining.

10\. It turns out that, due to biochemical incompatibilities, after having sex with Bolians humans tend to come down with flulike symptoms and joint pain. Even so, Vani's worth it, though Bones scowls at Jim for _days_. He's just such a sweetheart. Hero worship usually makes Jim take off in a hurry, but Vani doesn't act like nailing a starship captain is some kind of accomplishment. He acts like he's wanted to meet Jim for a long time, and, well, Jim's not immune to a pair of big eyes looking at him as if he's the most awesome thing ever.

Besides, that cartilaginous covering Bolians have on their tongues helps Vani give an absolutely incredible blow job.

11\. Pike is still Jim's superior. Pike will always be Jim's superior, even if Jim actually manages to live long enough to become an Admiral, which he frankly can't imagine. Pike is... Pike, and whenever Jim sees him he remembers looking up through a red haze of pain into those cool assessing eyes. Jim always pays attention to how he looks to those eyes.

So when Pike arrives for a mid-mission inspection, quietly but clearly delighted to be on his feet and in space again, Jim plays the proper captain to the max, shows Pike the care he's tried to take of his girl, and installs him in guest quarters like any visiting dignitary. He doesn't sneak in until 0030, and he uses the Jefferies tube to make his entrance.

Pike is sitting at the desk waiting for him, chin propped on one hand, dressed in a smile.

12\. There was a time when [Deela of Scalos](http://www.allyourtrekarebelongto.us/winkdeela.htm) would've been a wet dream come to life. A beautiful alien queen who wants Jim for breeding stock? Obviously she's got a good eye, and a good shape too.

Now Jim sees the chill in her lovely eyes, even before she says she's going to take his crew's futures away and stick them in suspended animation. That's not happening. Jim gives her what he can, himself, takes her to bed as professionally as he might rewire a shuttle or fight hand-to-hand with enemy soldiers, and watches her cold eyes the entire time to see how her mind works.

After it's all over, Jim goes to Bones with a bottle in each hand, pushes him back into his chair, and sits on the floor beside him. Jim rests his head on Bones's thigh as they silently get drunk together, and Bones eventually starts pulling his fingers through Jim's hair.

Deela of Scalos was no wet dream.

13\. Jim doesn't care about everyone's bitching. As far as he's concerned, [Argo's a great destination](http://www.ovff.org/pegasus/songs/banned-from-argo.html), and he very nearly has the best orgy of his life there.

After the third adorable person stops by their table and stays to hear Jim's stories and buy him drinks, Bones grumps off to 'get some air', and it's not like they're fused at the hip. Jim waves him off, throws his arm around the beaming Argoite of indeterminate gender, rests his cheek on the soft fuzzy head of the little Xindi-Arboreal, and launches into the non-classified version of the time he took out three Warbirds with one photon torpedo.

By the time the Argoite suggests they get a room upstairs, Jim's collected five cuties of assorted worlds, kissing and squeezing each other, all keeping at least one hand on him. He falls into a room filled with cushions, five sets of hands shredding his clothes and stroking his flesh, five mouths taking turns kissing his; very soon he's tucked between a sunshine-yellow girl nibbling his neck and an Andorian guy-or-something sucking his lower lip while sixteen fingers tease up and down his inner thighs, and he's fully prepared for an afternoon, evening, and night of sweaty bliss.

That's when Lieutenant Cupcake, aka Matthews, bursts into the room at the head of a security team. "Captain," Cupcake booms as Jim's new friends gape, "the shore police are right behind us. They already have Doctor McCoy in their custody. We need to go, sir, _now_."

"Well, shit," is all Jim manages to say as Cupcake leans across the naked people and grabs his arm. Footsteps pounding up the stairs confirm the report, so Jim nods, and Cupcake has them beamed up. He drags Jim off to Sickbay, where he lounges (not sulks, captains don't sulk), until Bones turns up a half-hour later, covered with purple kiss-marks and hickeys from his cheeks to his waist, all displayed by his torn shirt. One look and Jim laughs until he can't breathe.

Jim has a great time on Argo, and the only thing that would've made his shore leave better would've been if he actually got laid.

14-15. Bones insists on bringing [Gem](http://www.allyourtrekarebelongto.us/empathgem.htm) back to the _Enterprise_, ostensibly to examine and treat her in Sickbay, but Jim saw how they looked at each other. When Bones doesn't show up for their evening drink and the computer says Gem's in Bones's quarters, Jim just laughs and does some edits on his report, trying not to remember the way pain seared down his nerves.

Then Bones comms Jim to come over, when he arrives Gem is waiting in bed and Bones takes his arm and says, "She asked for you, for God-knows-what reason."

Jim just grins and tugs Bones with him, already thinking of how many ways in future he can bring it up that even mute girls ask for James T. Kirk by name. Besides, it makes sense, that after all the pain Gem took from them, all the times she healed them, they can repay her with a little pleasure.

So they do their absolute best, as Starfleet officers and for their personal honor. Gem's entirely silent, even when she thrashes, even when her mouth rounds in soundless screams, but ecstasy and delight radiate from her in palpable waves, and when she finally slumps against Bones's chest she smiles at Jim with sweet sleepy satisfaction as her eyes fall closed.

Bones smiles at Jim, too, a small, pleased, real smile, reaching across to curve his hand to Jim's cheek. Jim kisses the heel of his hand and doesn't need to say anything, just smiles back, tonight and always.


End file.
